Hey Abigail
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Finding beauty in the pain

My dearest ladies,

I recently received this question:

hi abigail. I am going thrue a big change with my life right now and i was wondering how u go through changes.
This is a great question. Without knowing your situation I thought I would explain a change that has just occurred in my life and what I have learned from it, in hopes that it will give you help/hope during your change.


I recently went through a breakup. (not long before the video was made) We were together for about a year and 8 months, 620 days, 14,880 hours, and 892,800 minutes…not that I’m counting.

But, more about that later. You bet your bottom dollar there is more to come on that. But until then I will answer those little questions that are popping up in your head right now.

Yes, it hurts and is painful.

Yes, I can still say that I only wish the best for him.

Yes, I have peace that it was the right decision. And yes, fine, ok!…*insert sigh here*I guess I will accept condolences in the form of milk chocolate reeses peanut butter cups.

(Ok you probably weren’t asking any of those questions in your head, I think it was just an excuse to hear myself talk)

Anyways….on to the point of the post. I’m bringing this full circle here, I promise.

This video is a reminder to me that there is beauty to be found even when we are blinded by pain. Let me explain…
I went hiking and was surrounded by beauty literally all around me. (Nature, my family, laughter, the mountains) And it just made me think about how when we are hit with pain in our lives whether it’s in the form of a relationship breaking up, failing a class, feeling insecure, etc. it is sometimes hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In fact lets be real, it’s quite honestly hard to see anything at all. (Except for the black mascara that always seems to ever so delicately pour down the face with the tears. I always feel like I’m in Metallica when this oh so lovely event happens).

Well, the Japanese Kanji for “crises” is actually made up of two characters. The first one is “danger” and the second one is “opportunity.”

I think we can all relate to the danger aspect. Emotions can feel dangerously overwhelming. It can feel like we just may break. But it’s ok that we allow ourselves the opportunity to grieve and cry through the process of healing from pain. We are much more resilient than we like to think. Ok, personally, I think that God made us girls have black tears on purpose. He’s probably sitting up there laughing saying “I have a great idea!! Maybe I’ll make the girls have black tears as a reminder that they are tough like…Metallica! That way they can cry freely because it’ll remind them that they simply aren’t going to break from their tears.”

(So next time you are with your date watching A Walk to Remember or Homeward Bound, you can send up a quick little thank you note to the big man upstairs.)

I can tell you that I never thought that I was strong enough to handle the breakup with my boyfriend. I thought I would come unraveled and would stay like that. And I am here to tell you, that I am alive (woot woot…) and fully intact. And I surprised myself with how strong I really am.

Although this wasn’t the situation that I had with my boyfriend, I wanted to tell you girls that if you are ever in a dangerous relationship that you are strong enough to get out. You may surprise yourself, as I did, with strength that you never knew you had.

Ok now you’re probably thinking “Alright Abigail I get that it’s ok to cry and grieve through the process, but where does opportunity come into play?” (I love how I always conveniently pretend like I know exactly what you’re thinking).

I think that when we are feeling the lowest in life is when we are almost given the opportunity for change, reflection, and to learn so much. It’s like a beautiful gift wrapped in the messiest package you can think of.  Because whether we like it or not when crises strikes (or when we are going through something tough) we are forced to change. Things just can’t remain the same as they were before. URGH!!!! ( I just had to let it out. I feel much better now, thank you.)

I talked to (my good friend/mentor/lunch date) Cheri (the wisest/amazing mom/talented writer/nurse/puts the “cool” back in marriage) today. I was talking to her about all of this and she had some cool things to add to the conversation.

She mentioned how the strange gift that pain offers us is that it reveals a vacuum in our lives that we were trying to fill with something even emptier than the vacuum itself.(deep!) Then we talked about how when something that we find security in or a sense of happiness in is taken away from us, we are forced to see the aching emptiness inside. URGH!!! (Just had to insert the frustration/hurt/pain again for dramatic effect)

So then when this happens we are at a crossroads. And we have two choices:

- We can turn away from it, ignore it, and attempt to fill it with yet another empty pursuit (ie romance, material possessions, outer beauty…reeses peanut butter cups)

-Or, we can look it straight in the eyes, (with our black Metallica tears) and admit with all of our being that there is an emptiness inside of us that craves something more…

And Cheri added some wise and heavy words that I thought I would quote. (Somehow when you put quotes around something it automatically makes it official and legit).

“…and then finally, we can search for it.  This is where it becomes a true gift.  We can stop chasing the wind and finally begin the most important and meaningful search of our lives, the pursuit for what is invisible yet is the most real thing we could experience in this life.  And that is the search for where we came from, where we are going and who we are.  When we discover these things, we are knee deep in the most fulfilling experience of our lives, our spiritual journeys.  Who does your soul belong to?  because the answer to that will reveal how big your vacuum is, and pain will help you ask that question even when you want to ignore it.  That is the gift pain offers.”  (give it a second…re read it..then let that one marinate)

I hope that I have given you some food for thought. I know that I have been chomping on a lot of this…
Stay tuned for a giveaway soon!

Remember we can’t do it alone,

Abigail

 

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