I feel that most articles on singleness and dating polarize the issue.
“Why singleness is amazing!”
“Ten tips to avoid singleness.”
Singlehood is amazing. It can also be terrible.
Being in a relationship can be amazing. It can also be terrible.
It’s not a battle of the status’s. Being single doesn’t equal happiness. The problem is, neither does being in a relationship. Although both have the potential to bring happiness. So lets stop chasing a status and instead dig deeper into what can cause happiness in either state, being single or being in a relationship.
I’ve been unhappily single, happily single, unhappily in a relationship, and happily in a relationship. What I have learned is that if you truly desire a relationship, being single requires a certain mindset.
It requires you to get to a place where you genuinely love living in your single skin. A place where you don’t feel the need to have a man validate you. This is important, because if you don’t, you will find yourself cheating yourself and the men in your sphere. You crave the attention and admiration of a man. I get it. It feels nice to feel wanted. But in the end you end up using the men in your life, and you won’t further your progression to find a man you actually want to be with.
Being single requires peace about being without a man. Without it, you’re standards decrease. Any man will do. If you aren’t happy with your single life, you will take the first ticket out. However, if you are content with being single, you become more shrewd in picking a man. Instead of jumping at the first bite, you take your time weeding through men till you find the man you are looking for. The kind you want to take time investing in.
I think the most important part of being single (if you want to find a man) is the ability to live in the tension.
The ability to live in the tension of being happy with where you are at, yet not giving up on what could be. It can become difficult to keep yourself vulnerable. Open. It can be easy to become jaded. To become “over it.” Enough “failed attempts” is enough to make any sane person put up a wall or two. However when the walls go up and we adapt an attitude of protection we immediately start shooting ourselves in the foot.
“It won’t work anyways”
“He’s hot. I’m sure he’s full of himself too.”
“I’m just over it.”
I believe that remaining open as well as putting oneself out there is vital for a woman. What does that look like?
- Having the ability to admit that you are crushing on someone.
- Having the guts to let him know that you find him intriguing. Meet him halfway. Or even 30% of the way.
- If he doesn’t ask you out or seem to reciprocate, don’t sweat it. That's on him. Feel good about the fact that you don’t have regrets. “I wonder if he liked me..” “what would have happened if…” Brush your shoulders off, and get back on that saddle.
Don’t settle for anything less than a man who respects you, challenges you, inspires you, and intrigues you. Work on becoming the person you want to be while single, so that you can attract the type of man you desire. My hope for you is that you learn to understand your unique beauty and worth so that you don't fall for any Tom, Dick, or Harry. (Yeah, I went there.)
Being single requires being content and happy with your single life so that you take the time to wait for the man you’re looking for. But it also requires a wonderful concoction of openness, vulnerability, and boldness. So work on whippin' up that recipe, and get it girl.
We can’t do it alone,
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